When I reflect back over my life, I am always overwhelmed with how much my life has changed and transformed.
I grew up in Chester, I was one of five children, and my parents raised me in a strict and controlling cult.
There were many life defining moments that happened as a child, but the ones that particularly stand out to me, were my Dad’s anger and control, and my Mum’s narcissism.
Obviously back then, I didn’t know what it was, but I never felt enough and love and affection was something that wasn’t freely expressed. There were many rules and I felt constantly trapped. I rebelled many times but that just made my Dad get tougher with the rules so eventually I just gave up.
At the age of just nineteen, I married someone who was raised in the cult too. Partly because I wanted to escape my parent’s home, and saw no other way out, and partly because my parent’s heart’s had been broken by my brothers and sisters leaving the cult. I then felt an overwhelming pressure to be the ‘good girl’ and do what was expected.
I remember my heart sinking as I walked down the aisle towards my ‘then’ husband. There was this inner voice that was screaming at me that this was all wrong, and yet I had been conditioned to be a people pleaser, so I ignored the voice and married him.
I squashed any dreams I had for my future of travelling the world, adventures and work I loved, and lived my life doing what was expected of me.
In my early twenties, I finally started to listen to this voice, which I now realise is our voice of intuition. That part of us that always knows what is best for us, but we often choose to ignore it because it feels scary.
I walked away from my ‘then’ husband and the only community that I had ever known. This led to being rejected and shunned by my parents and everyone who had been in my life.
I hit rock bottom and slowly had to learn to rebuild my life from scratch.
This led to a time in my life where I denied feeling any emotions, I constantly deceived myself that I was okay, and distracted myself with everything I could, which only led to more struggle.
I partied hard, worked hard and played hard, and drank my way through many years of my life.
The second time I hit rock bottom was with two very small children when I left my long term partner after years of unhappiness and heartache.
It took me a long time to realise that my whole life had been one big episode of unbelievable Me Guilt.
I have made many epic mistakes along the way, including destructive relationships, being a stressed out and irritable mum and possibly the biggest one, not having the courage earlier to face up to how I really felt, and actually do something about it.
I had been in survival mode or settling mode for most of my life, and had no idea how to begin to soar in life and feel strong self esteem and deep self love.
I felt Me Guilt to the core of my very soul:
- Guilt over who I was
- Guilt over the mistakes I had made
- Guilt of feeling like a failure
- Guilt for constantly feeling like I was disappointing myself and others
- Guilt that I had no real motivation and constantly procrastinated
- Guilt every time I put myself first
- Guilt about my sabotaging destructive habits and so much more…
- I felt lost, trapped and stuck for a long time and it just felt like one constant vicious circle of wanting to move forward, wanting to feel FREEDOM, ADVENTURE, AUTHENTICITY, COURAGE, PASSION and PURPOSE but not having a clue where to start.
AFTER HITTING ROCK BOTTOM FOR THE SECOND TIME, I MADE A PROMISE TO MYSELF:
I refused to settle or live a life half lived, I spent too many years people pleasing, living life for others or seeking others approval, and yet it felt so scary listening to my inner truth.
I was tired of everyone telling me how I SHOULD live my life, how to raise my kids, how to have the perfect home, how I had to be the perfect partner, how to be a working Mum, what job I should do, how I should spend my time and who with.
I was exhausted living up to an identity that I didn’t even know was truly me, labels and the constant comparison and I finally decided it was enough.
I wanted to live a life I truly loved and that felt right for me and I wanted to be true to myself no matter what.
Despite spending huge amounts of time, money and energy reading books, attending courses and retreats and anything else I could find, I still came out the other side really none the wiser, and still not knowing who I really was.
I even trained in NLP, Life Coaching and so much more, yet still had that feeling of never being enough, and that guilt that was eating away at my soul.
UNTIL MY BIGGEST LIGHT BULB MOMENT EVER where everything started to change for me!
I finally realised that there were seven different root causes for why I was feeling the way I was feeling, and when all were combined it put me into this never ending cycle of guilt and struggle that was effectively ruining my life.
This allowed me to finally ditch that Me Guilt for good and develop strong self esteem in who I am.
My Dream Life:
My life and myself are unrecognisable now from years ago.
- I finally came to believe at a deep level I am more than enough, in fact I’m worthy of all my heart desires
- I freed myself of that endless cycle of negative inner chatter becoming mindful, present and calm (most of the time!)
- I developed radical SELF ESTEEM, not just ‘confidence’ in who I am without comparison to others
- I became the woman I knew I was deep down and be really comfortable being her
- I became the Mum I dreamt of being without any immense pressure on myself
- I became my own heroine without being needy of a man (which was major for me)
- I learnt to trust my own internal wisdom/intuition and not the opinions of others
- I have created strong deep connections with both my children, and am able to navigate and help with building strong self esteem in them, despite the constant pressure of society to knock a strong sense of who they are out of them.
- I got real clarity on who I am, and what I truly wanted which has impacted all my choices and decisions in life.
- I no longer tolerate friendships or relationships that do not help me flourish. I have real deep strong connections with true soul sisters.
- I have experienced a deeper love I could have ever imagined.
- I speak kindly and lovingly to myself.
- I have created purposeful meaningful work which fills me with joy every day.
- I now live in a beautiful coastal village. It was my dream for a long time to live by the beach and it was only through creating a strong foundation of self esteem that I even dared to start to dream, got clarity on what my own dreams were and then learnt the unique blueprint to making them my living reality.
Today I feel passionate and purposeful about sharing the huge wealth of experience, knowledge and trans-formational tools with you, and women everywhere, who are ready to ditch the Me Guilt and reclaim the life you are really born to live.
We are here to SOAR, not just settle or survive.
No woman should sacrifice her life for others, every woman deserves to reclaim her life.
Your first step is to develop your self esteem and self love, and then you are open to discovering the unique blueprint that will enable you flourish in all areas, and to create your very own dream life.
It is only fear and self doubt that stops us soaring in life and flourishing into our true potential, and once you’ve worked out how to use fear as your fuel to drive you forward, and develop strong self esteem and self love everything changes.
As a result of my own personal breakthroughs around this and coaching so many other women to free themselves from this hideous cycle, I’m super passionate now about opening women’s eyes to the real TRUTH and to making it easy for them to move beyond it.
Listen to your own inner whispers before they become a loud roar.
‘It is in the moments of decision, that our destiny is shaped’
If you are ready to take your first or next step, towards having the courage to be YOU, becoming the woman you really want to be, and living the life you really want to live, click below for a FREE WEBINAR to help you begin the process of ditching Me Guilt.